Do you "love and care" for your husband because it's "love and care" for it's own sake? Or are you doing it because you expect something in return?

Are you angry at him for the way he treated you? Or are you angry at *you* for putting up with it?

Unfortunately, your husband does not see any problem with how he goes through life. He thinks he is correct in his approach to situations. Even after doing MB counseling, he still sees no need to meet your needs, much less your wants. I think that's why Dr Harley recommended that your DH see an IC. It's not normal for someone who wants to be married to reject outright what his or her spouse needs and refuse to negotiate a solution that makes both partners happy.

Your husband doesn't have any problems, CWMI (from his perspective). You have the issues, (from his perspective), so you are the one with the problem. And the problem is that you are there. He doesn't change. In fact, he treats you poorly, you (from his perspective) cry and whine and gripe about his treatment of you, and then you turn around and do those very same 'nice' things for him that he refuses to do for you.

If you've given him food, beverage and drugs, don't cry over it. You chose it of your own free will and out of love. He likely thinks your being a B and throwing it in his face for revenge, not because you love him.

What you get from him is what you get, kwim? I can't understand why you didn't leave the kids with him and head out for a girls night out. No food, bevs, or drugs, just a "I've gotta go, it's girl's night out". And if he got mad about it, well, then you'd know what a jerk he is and if he didn't get mad, well, then you'd know he is just plain ol' detached.

I can't say he's a liar. People have different versions of truth. What's his? If you aren't going out for the weekend, then put his idea of truth to the test. Next time he is due for food, bevs, drugs, get the item ready, but leave it some place that he has to get up and get it. Tell him something like, "I got your gatorade for you, it's in the cup on the kitchen bar."

If he accepts that as getting it for him, then maybe you don't have a liar on your hands, rather, someone who sees things differently than you. If he calls bogus and says that because you didn't bring him the item, it means that you didn't get it for him, then you'll know he's a liar.

I'm sharing this because he might just have a strange approach to truth. No better time to find out his "truth" style than when he's in need due to the flu.

but you really need a definite conclusion on his truth style...he could be that clueless.