I think there is a difference between understanding and acceptance.

The reason I urge you to strive for understanding is not so that you can endure it better--but so that you guys can talk about it differently.

I guess I would imagine that your husband has his reasons for lying--even if they aren't good ones.

But how does talking about it in that way (you are lying and there is no excuse for it) allow him any way to move forward without feeling defensive?

I think that sometimes these persistent problem areas in marriage can reflect where a person needs to grow... or be healed (notice I am not saying "stay where they are").

I think you are on this journey together, and you guys have to figure it out together.

Maybe you don't agree. Maybe you don't feel it's your job to help your husband in his weakness... to help him with his flaws/faults... I don't know.

To me, understanding your personality types gives you a way into those discussions that can really help you each move forward. Him, to learn to be more truthful and direct, you to (possibly) accept the process a little more peacefully.

I do NOT think you ought to accept him lying. And I don't think that's what understanding brings. I think it brings people together so they can move forward as they make their marriage what want it to be. It gives them a gentle, loving, and peaceful way to talk about it without compromising what they need/want/expect from one another.

Me 42
H 46
Married 12 years
Two children D9 and D4 !