2 nights ago I snuggled up next to her and put my hand on her hip. She jumped up, screamed "I can't take this any more", and ran out of the room. She apologized when she returned. I told her "apology not accepted".

Last night I got into bed and she said "leave me alone. Stay away. I need space. In other words I am cranky." This morning she apologized. I said I feel that my touch makes her skin crawl. She said that is not true, the real problem is that she has trouble sleeping and she hates it if I disturb her at all at night. I thanked her for sharing with me, but told her knowing her reasons doesn't eliminate the hurt when she rejects me. We need to find a time and manner for me to get into bed that doesn't result in her violently rejecting me. She did not offer any suggestions.

She told me she and the kids want to do something special for me on Memorial Day weekend. I said it was nice, and the kids offering to spend time with me (instead of their friends) helps me feel love from them. From her, time with the kids does not make love bank deposits. From her, only Physical Touch will do.

And I mean touch, not SF. I am not looking for SF. I can no longer perform sexually, not even when I am with myself. So I am only asking for snuggling, not sex.