Hitch, please help me understand your situation. Your plan is to pay down debt, but you ran up new debt. Was that a joint decision? Or did your wife incur the new debt without seeking POJA? If the latter, and she is now SAHM, please explain why she still has access to credit? As you know, this issue bedeviled me for years. The only way I got resolution was to convince Mrs. Hold to give up all her credit cards. Pretty much the only debt we have run up the past few years has been by mutual consent.

I know it is not easy to ask for her to give up the cards. It took years for me to work up the courage. Learn from my mistake. Ask immediately. When she asserts that you are a control freak, do judo. Agree with her. Then ask for the cards. If she insists on keeping them, cancel them. Or if they are in her name, stop paying them. Yes, you will eventually be liable and it will hurt your credit. But if she is willing to blow up the family budget by overspending, and you don't want to meekly acquiesce in her misbehavior (like I did for so many years), then you have to draw a firm boundary. No payments until she hands over the cards or agrees to close the account. That means no joint checking account, and all your income goes into a separate account.

Maybe you fear your wife will file for divorce if you take these steps. Unlikely but possible. I am guessing she will give you warning and you can back down if it comes to that. But I think some firmer boundaries will reap large dividends in your case.

When you can see it coming, duck!