Thanks for the advice. I've wondered how it got to this point. I'm a strong person and yet I've become afraid and timid within this relationship somehow. I let her get to me and she probably instinctively knows I don't like conflict which works to her advantage. What I do need some advice on is how to become stronger without making the situation worse. In other words, I can't follow the Love Bank system if I discontinue trying to meet her emotional needs can I?
One more thing to be very clear. My wife is not lazy at all, in fact she is tireless and does a ton around the house. She gets easily overwhelmed by little things that don't bother me whatsoever. She also tends to "create" work and projects that simply are not necessary which stress her out.
So I feel like I need to toughen up my skin. Let her see that her little insults and slams don't bother me at all? I guess I'm wondering what you are suggesting I try? I know this is a process.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD