In a situation similar to mine .. I had read the book "his needs her needs" myself looking for answers. I read it prior to convincing my wife to read it. WHen an attempt to create an intimate mood failed she would throw the book back at me (knowing i had read it) when I would try to explain my self while frustrated at her negative reaction, she would say ..
Originally Posted By: MrNiceGuy's Wife
Well see! Now your going back to your old ways again. OBVIOUSLY *rolls her eyes* that book is not even helping you and everything your doing for me is a lie!

Then my knee jerk reaction would be to convince her that my actions and affection are not manipulation, but that attempt to convince her i was being genuine would bring out the taker in me and proved to her, in HER mind (disrespectful judgement), that I was being my regular annoying self.

I do not know how it played out for you to ruin your evening. But when you said ..
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
... I told her honestly how it made me feel.
Did you tell her respectively? or could the tones of your voice indicated any frustration in your emotions when you reacted to her being disrespectful?

If its the latter... then she sensed it and it triggered her instinct to shut you down. As Marital said...
Originally Posted By: maritalbliss
I think your wife knew exactly what button to push, knowing you would get upset and then she could blame YOU for ruining the evening and derailing the reading idea.


So then as you feel frusterated you do what marital suggested again ..
Originally Posted By: maritalbliss
..and when she starts trying to manufacture an argument, leave the room. Tell her "I don't want to spoil your opportunity to read our book by saying angry things."


But state it with tone that makes her feel like it didnt effect YOUR mood. By doing so you will diffuse her instincts to shut you down becasue she didnt get your usual response when she presses those buttons. Then again as Marital said .. (wow marital .. your full of great advice! smile
Originally Posted By: maritalbliss
Repeat as necessary.


It may not be exact marriagebuilders ... I dunno .. maybe it is. But thats what I had to do. It took quite a few months to get it right consistantly til she was able to see that I was actually different. (but what it really is, is getting better control of your taker)

I would mention what bothered me respectfully and briefly. Then leave the room. Think for a moment to change my thought patterns. Tell myself that she just "hasnt gotten it yet" and then walk back into the room with something else on my mind and change the subject while giving her no continued emotional reaction to the situation anymore and carry on like it never happened. You really only have to say something once to a woman becasue she is already globalizing things in her mind.

Or go do something else she might need me to do and leave her to think about it.

*shrugs*