Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
How'd you feel about leaving the room? It is difficult for me to do because I honestly feel that she wanted to fight in the first place.


So you think the best idea is to indulge her? Please rethink that.

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My two real concerns are the following:

Emotional Needs: I told her a couple days ago that I intentionally hold back in meeting more of her emotional needs than I already have been because I feel a since of inequity in this endeavor.


Where is this in the MB literature? What plan is this? It's not MB, not at all. This is PUNISHING your spouse, you are selfishly demanding that she meet your needs, OR ELSE.

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Blaming: This isn't going away at all. My wife refuses to take responsibility for anything and its completely ridiculous. Here is an illustration of just how bad it is. I asked her if she would make dinner two nights ago if I went to the store and bought some stuff for tortilla soup and enchiladas.

So the soup and enchiladas were both lousy on her own admission. I comforted her and said it was delicious, but eventually assessed it with her honestly because it wasn't really a matter of opinion if it was good tasting or not! So later that evening she said, "The reason the dinner was bad was because I was in a bad mood and the person that published the recipe online was an idiot."
This is how far she takes it all day every day.


Okay, Q #1: did she want to prepare soup and enchiladas? You may be better off requesting that she cook whatever she likes to make best. I could *demand* that my H make fried chicken and mashed potatoes for me, but if I want something tasty, I better ask for meatloaf.

Q#2: what would you think about trying to understand her form of communication? Once you understand, you'll be better able to not be irritated by it, AND you can gently persuade her to be more direct. I read your quote as her saying, "I didn't want to do this in the first place, and then I picked a bad recipe." Which is totally accepting blame imho. "I agreed to something I wasn't enthusiastic about, then I got sloppy because I wasn't enthusiastic." kwim?

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One more thing, how can stop doing everything she asks me without it being an obvious attempt at some form of equity in our relationship? She asks me to do all these things because lets face it, I do them. Why would she stop?


In MB parlance, you should stop doing everything she asks that you are not enthusiastic about doing. Honestly enthusiastic, not the PUNISHMENT you described above. Don't refuse to do something purely out of spite.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)