First, pay no attention to post count when determining if someone knows what they're talking about.

You said in your post I quoted that you *told her* it was intentional about meeting needs. Then you said it wasn't intentional. Which is it? What do you think she believes? If my H told me that he intentionally wasn't meeting my needs because I didn't meet all of his, I would consider him a self-serving jerk and would be LESS inspired to meet his needs. Because that would tell me that he was only doing things for me out of 'what's in it for him'. Not because he loved me and wanted to show me that. Be careful of the message you're sending. You want to be firm, and actionable, on what you want from her.

You've only been here two months. Have some patience. Change your side of the interactions, don't fall for bait, and for goodness sakes stop DJing her intentions.