Hilltopper as i previously mentioned, when you let your taker come into play while trying to win your wife over to taking on MB principals you are back peddling and that does not help your situation. You need to come out looking like a saint to show that MB is changing you. If you stop meeting her needs then it will be hard to convince her that MB is working for you because obviously she wants her needs met first.

You said shes read about 20 pages of "love busters" and that she "gets it" ... but having read only 20 pages doesnt really give a clear picture of what the love busters are. By creating a resentful environment and allowing your taker to move in she will DEF be unwilling to continue reading. My wife did this to me over and over again ... Let me remind you of my previous post to you that highlighted what your going through right now.

Originally Posted By: MrNiceGuy
In a situation similar to mine .. I had read the book "his needs her needs" myself looking for answers. I read it prior to convincing my wife to read it. WHen an attempt to create an intimate mood failed she would throw the book back at me (knowing i had read it) when I would try to explain my self while frustrated at her negative reaction, she would say ..
Originally Posted By: MrNiceGuy's Wife
Well see! Now your going back to your old ways again. OBVIOUSLY *rolls her eyes* that book is not even helping you and everything your doing for me is a lie!

Then my knee jerk reaction would be to convince her that my actions and affection are not manipulation, but that attempt to convince her i was being genuine would bring out the taker in me and proved to her, in HER mind (disrespectful judgement), that I was being my regular annoying self.


You asked .. "How did it feel to leave the room?" Well .. it never feels good. I feel aweful actually. But it is necessary to disengage and establish boundries to what is and is not acceptable. Lashing back and with holding on meeting EN's of the non conformed relcutant spouse, is not going to convince her at all .. and she will resent the program entirely until she sees a consistant change in you! Since you are the one that is here .. its up to you to be the example.. Dont tell it ... LIVE IT.

If you read my story, you will see the gaps between my posts. It took a long.. LONG time to get my wife on board. Coupled with alot of praying. I banged my head against the wall alot trying to convince her to do MB with me but keeping MY TAKER at bay was hard work. What your doing with your taker .. happened to me ALOT. And each time I let my taker take over, It was back to square one.

Did you ask your wife if she was willing to read with you if you got the kids to bed at a decent time? Get the daily chores done, Run a bath ... and wash her back and read out loud to her while she relaxes? Or sit in bed together after she gets out and read together? Maybe reading lovebusters first is nota good idea? try approaching her with some articles first .. ones that she can relate to before bringing up your own ... How about the book "His needs Her needs" first?

Keep at it ... you will hit your head on the wall many times and back peddle alot til you get your taker under control. I know I did ...

MNG


Edited for wording

Last edited by MrNiceGuy; 04/05/11 02:32 PM.