I went through the phone records, email, etc. Nothing there, I even asked her and she gave a resounding no. I don't think it is in here values to be a cheater, sexual or other. Besides we have a 4 month old, a 4 year old and a 6 year old so I just don't see it being possible. I'm very confident in her answer and will move past it and get back to LoveBusters.

We each know each other's emotional needs and I read them frequently. She gave me the most common 10 but never told me which ones were the most important. Being a practical dude I went straight for the ones like taking care of kids, making lunches, doing laundry, etc. We had a fight last night and a long, long talk this morning. It revolved around a few things which I'll get into later, but as it relates to EN's, she ranked the most important ones. First on her list was romance and I was shocked to say the least. Either she makes me feels stupid or I just feel stupid when I do romantic stuff. I feel like she is laughing at me behind my back. I told her that I would work on this and that it would be great if she gave me feedback about things. See for me I can't help but want to know that what I'm doing is making an impact and we struggle with this. She doesn't communicate as good as she thinks she does so I'm constantly guessing. Any feedback on romance would be amazing cause I'm ready to dive in. I want to feel confident that what I'm doing is being enjoyed by her. I WANT to make her happy in this way.

The next emotional need on the list was as a father. I'm a great father and I guess I raise our children how I was raised. Our daughter is six and is scared to ride her bike. I ask her if she wants to give it a shot about once a week and she turns it down out of fear. I guess I prefer not to "push" my kids into anything, but rather introduce them to things. If they get into it then they get 100% support from me all the way. I asked my wife her motivation for this, was it for our daughter's sake or hers? In other words, is she embarrassed about it? She said it wasn't the reason why and I guess it really doesn't matter. It would make her happy if I put a little more emphasis on the bike thing so I will.

Lastly she wants me to be more "handy". This isn't going away. She knows I'm not the greatest with a drill, but I want to put in the effort. I'm perfectly ok with not being mr fixit and she doesn't expect me to start building cabinets in the garage, but she gets annoyed when things are broken around the house. Money is tight and has been for a long time so I feel like I'm automatically against spending money regardless of what it is for which causes a lot of my inaction. I set a reminder for me every Sat morning to "fix something that is cheap." I can't do the big stuff and we can't afford it, but the little things I'm perfectly capable of so I'll keep doing so until they are all done.

I am concerned about her reluctance to try more. She fully admits to being in Taker mode and being selfish. I get easily discouraged when I do my best to meet her emotional needs but the same effort is not coming back the other way you know? I let her know that if nothing else I want to see a solid effort. What else besides being a parent is more important than our marriage. Our children need to see a loving an affectionate mommy and daddy too and that we'd be foolish to think they don't see it or sense it on a regular basis.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD