Also ... to comment on her idea about 2 jars.

I don't think thats such a good idea as of yet. It may backfire on you and cause more resentment. Because what she THINKS should give you a deposit may not and vise versa and then to see efforts not working especially in light of a jar .. may cause a back slide and then the "taker" in each of you will notice the scores not even and try to convince you to get what you need by any means possible. I could be wrong .. Maybe it would work .. But if you were to do that .. suggest she read His needs her needs FIRST! to get a better idea at what all the needs are. THen let HER put that plan into action. Not you. You could mention it to her like this " thats a great idea hunny, I think that would be great! Lets work together at identifiying all DR. Harleys Ideas on what emotional needs are .. then that way we can figure out what to put notes in the jars for!"

To make that work ... SHE would have to put something in HER jar if you did something that made her feel loved etc. and you put something in YOUR jar if she did something that made you feel loved. The note could contain exactly what it was that caused the deposit.

*shrugs*

Edit for more details.