I've read a book and a half man! I tried to get her to do the workbook with me, she keeps putting it off, everything is put off. Look I believe in the principles of this forum and Dr Harley, but you don't know what I'm up against. She won't try, period! I'm tired of pretending to make her feel better about ourself that "we are both responsible" for our current state. That is crap and a lie. SHE is responsible for this, has always been, and if nothing changes will be responsible for a divorce which hurts us and our three beautiful children. Selfish or not I demanded her to change starting NOW, now pushing it off for this or that. Yes I threatened my wife and I can appreciate the theory of not doing that and showing her what change looks like, but as I've said for years about this woman, nothing matters. I cannot control any outcomes or behavioral change no matter what I do on my end and never had. I'm sitting here terrified, hurt, scared about divorce, scared that she'll just push off something this serious again. Her Dad has let that vile mother of hers hurt him for 40 years of marriage, only having the courage to leave her about five years ago, only to come back after six months. I refuse to be helpless about my situation and let her do the same thing to me.