Originally Posted By: MrNiceGuy
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972

When you say "no real infidelity" are you referring to your own situation or mine?

Mine .. because neither one of us knew what an EA was until we discovered MB.

Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972

I'm trying not to be so needy and insecure so I'm heading out to watch baseball with a buddy which I stopped doing in an effort to force the issue with her each night! I also called her good friend so that she could go out Thursday night for some fun as well.


Was she enthusiastic about this? Reason I ask is because your most enjoyable times should be spent together. There is a recreational enjoyment inventory that you can download and fill out together. It will help you guys identifiy activities that you both enjoy so you can spend some "fun" time together reconnecting at a social level to begin being intimate again.

Recreational inventoy link - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4505_rei.html

Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972

Do you mind, without telling me the details, what things you see in your marriage that I have to look forward to and day dream about?


Sure! I will tell you this much. Over the last 2 months especially since we have finished the love busters book, she has been apologizing for her negative behaviours and love busters! Well we have been together for 16 years (im 32) and this year she has apologized to me more than she has ever in our entire relationship! Like about 6 or 7 times now. Usually its me keeping the peace .. even if i feel im right and doing the apologizing. This didnt start happening though until her love bank for me was well into the green.

She now meets my top 5 needs on a fairly consistant basis. Especially since she has been taking maca root. It has totally helped her energy levels.

She told me to keep track of her cycle and warn her of her PMS week. She likes this because then it helps her identify her own unbalanced feelings. And is no longer offended when i mention its coming up.

SF has become amazing and is to the point now where shes initiating it often enough that i no longer feel like im starving emotionally anymore. Kinda like she knows im going to be hungry soon so she "feeds me" before it effects my mood. So it is becoming easier to initiate for her because im no longer "suffocating" her or "smothering" her as she used to indicate alot and associate it with my "neediness". She understands now its not just physical, but that us guys get the same emotional feelings that they do when they get intimate conversation.

So just keep doing your thing ... POJA EVERYTHING! ... fill her emotional needs as often as you can .. blow her mind. Stop reacting emotionally to her when she is being emotional. Be her "rock" and before ya know it .. it will all fall into place and you'll feel like you just met again and the puppy love will come back.

smile

p.s. Your getting better at your "quoting" too .. good job!



Thanks for the great news from your marriage, hopefully that is me months from now or sooner. To answer your question about my wife and I doing fun stuff together, she kind of pushes it away to be honest. I was trying to arrange for babysitters during the week for us to go out but she kind of shut it down as too much of a pain with the kids, school, etc. I don't automatically assume that this is because of me, I think a lot of it has to do with dealing with two kids and an infant and she's just tired. In fact a lot of this has to do with the birth of our third child. It kind of made it boil over as the little EN's I might have been getting were completely shutout as that attention was thrown to the baby. I guess I woke up one day thinking to myself, what has this become? We have no marriage whatsoever. The fighting started getting worse because I was demanding change and it was the absolute wrong time to do so with a new baby on our hands. All of it makes sense I guess and although I'm still very, very unhappy and unfulfilled at least I'm better prepared and have a plan in place. My wife still isn't reading LB yet, she has twice so far so maybe two chapters so the advice of suggesting that we do it together keeps getting pushed away so I'm backing off just a tad and am focusing on zero LB's which is very, very hard. I get unhappy, I stew about stuff, then I get silent, she knows it, then I tell her how I'm not getting this or that or that she hurt be, etc. I hugged her this morning cause I wanted to, she dropped her arms to the side and didn't hug me back(It's been this way as long as I can remember). I told her, "it would be great if you could hug me back when I hug you" and left it at that. Normally I would press her on it and come to conclusions about how she is feeling, why she does it, etc. I have a habit of getting in her head and she gets pissed deservedly so. The truth is it doesn't matter why she doesn't hug me back, it only matters that I express this form of affection as an important EN for me politely and respectfully. I have a hunch we'll get somewhere, but the patience side of me struggles after about 48 hours which is how long its been since our last big fight. I'm gonna be a good boy and be nice and avoid the LB's all day today and tonight. I'll check in later!


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD