I want to understand sex in the eyes of both men and women. I must fess up, SF is right up there with Affection to me in terms of EN's. My wife as you know makes excuses and the sex one is pretty bad. I thought about it yet again after being turned down last night. She is intentionally withholding sex from me right? This isn't like a bad habit or not being an affectionate person in general right? She is making a conscious decision each and every day not to have sex with me. SF is an emotional need for me that speaks volumes about who the other person feels about me and loves me. After being turned down last night I expressed myself about it the best way I knew how without trying to make a SD. I said, "if another week goes by and the excuse about sex continues, I'll know that it isn't that your tummy hurts or that you're just tired any longer." She is running this morning, she wasn't too tired for that right? I think being SF would allow a lot of things to fall into place. By the way, we snuggled for 2 mins before bed which was quite nice. How she approached it wasn't though. It was a version of the "hop on and be quick" with sex. She said, "Ok hurry up I'm tired you got your two minutes of snuggle time." So we curled up and the body to body connection felt great to me. Then she rolled over and said ok i'm going to sleep. So I rolled over too, then I hear her checking her facebook account, then sending a text back to her friend about running tomorrow morning. I said, "I thought you were tired?" She said, "I am, geez your annoying."

In other news, its been pretty good. We got into it at first on Friday morning but talked much more than fought. I expressed my feelings much better and we learned more about the other. Its kind of like, "who is this person I'm married to?" I expressed frustration that I was just about perfect all week and although things were pleasant for the most part she's still reluctant to work as hard at this as I am. She admitted both things to me. She simply said, "I'm not you ok? I can't shift gears and be a different person tomorrow like you can." This is true I have the ability to make a decision, come up with a plan, and execute that plan almost immediately. Things are much more convoluted I suppose for my wife. She could tell I was annoyed this morning and I am. I'm watching baby at 5 in the morning while she goes running with her friend. I don't mind the need for bonding with her friends and we did spend time last night together watching a movie on the couch last night. It is kind of more of a priorities thing. My priority is her and getting our marriage back on track, I make no bones about it and she knows that. She says she wants things better, but she still has time for a ton of activities that don't involve me. I'm not a jealous person but I suppose this is either IB, or me just not being a person who can fulfill her recreational companionship needs. I got bad knees I can't run and we have 3 children so even if I could it would be tough. What I struggle with this morning is being completely honest with how I feel so often. Isn't there a fine line about shutting up here and there and choosing your battles?