Originally Posted by CWMI
The good news, Hill, is that YOU have a measure of control over aversion and fighting. That's great news, in fact! She's told you why there is a problem, now dig into the why's and fix them. You are in an enviable power state right now. Ask her what would make her feel like having sex. Stop her if she starts talking about why she won't. Tell her to put it on the LBQ, because right now all you want to know is what DOES make her feel like it, and the discussion of the don't's is on the schedule. [note a time, agree on a time, you two do need to discuss that, just not all at once] NO SEX happens until you both are in enthusiastic agreement about it, remember?

SHE IS HERE. You're golden, man. I'm happy for you!!!

I asked her the question about what DOES make her feel good in an email right now. We'll see what she says. I know what DOESN'T turn her on quite clearly. Her EN email to me about a month ago described "pleasant day = pleasant feelings = sex". We've had many pleasant days so that isn't it. It obviously takes a lot more than not fighting for her to desire sex with me.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD