Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
We are definitely more inclined to speak politely to each other and respectfully. We don't fight about anything other than our relationship. It is almost always me bringing something up, her firing back. I always pursue her to talk, I always want to fix things after a fight right away.

Hill, let's be honest, here:

After a fight, you'd like your wife to get over it. Who wouldn't?

If she's still feeling raw, and you've gotten over it, you'll be really tempted to try to set her straight. As little control as you have over your emotions, this desire is going to seep out of every crack, and she'll see it. It will not turn her on. It will disgust her. And rightly so, because who wants to live with a critic and a dictator?

Your desire to fix things sounds noble. Your desire to straighten her out doesn't sound so noble, does it?

Hey, hill,

Do NOT go reading on your wife's thread, but I wanted to give you a safe little excerpt of what she just posted:

I just want him to move past all this and start working on our marriage.

She's referring to the affair accusations.

Can you do that? Can you shut up about it and just move on and do nice things to meet her emotional needs?

Also, note that she's saying this even dispite your completely insensitive comment last night.

You are one lucky man, Hill.

Thank that woman tonight for putting up with you, okay? Tell her, "Honey, I am so sorry. I know that I am not an easy man to live with. I don't know how you put up with me. I do not deserve you. Thank you for staying with me through all of this and for going so far last night to try to show your love for me."

I have thanked her, apologized, and will continue to do so. Got her a card, sent her an E-Card, replied to her email, sent her a text a few hours ago. No response to any of it and frankly I can't make her respond. This is the communication thing I struggle with, I never know during good times or bad where I stand. I'm pretty sure I'm in the doghouse as of now, but the non-responding, or selective responding is difficult to read. I mentioned this to her yesterday. I send her a thoughtful text about wanting to get her something yummy to eat at the store, she ignored it. She sent me a different text which was a picture of the baby awhile later. She has the three kids and things get busy, but the communication breakdown makes it very difficult to even do something nice, you know? So today same thing, she emailed me and I replied. I sent her a text asking if she was doing ok and that I got blasted for my behavior on this post. No response. If I knew what she wanted whether it be super important or not so much, it would make things a lot easier because I'm still walking on eggshells. She has expressed irritation with some of my family members, some of her friends, some of our friends, etc. I can understand the stresses of the baby being a big cause of this and I've even told her that. Communication or lack there of and a lack of feedback on things I do good or bad means I'm operating in the dark. Pin the tale on the donkey. When I'm not clear about something I often ask her what she meant which is mostly answered with being irritated. The tone is, "well stupid you should have just known what I meant, get it fool?"

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD