Originally Posted By: Possum
Quote:
I'm not feeling confident that my efforts will lead to a change in my wife wanting to be more affectionate with me.

I'm guessing she's not feeling any confidence that your efforts to fill her love bank are going to have any sticking power either.

Quote:
Saturday night, made her a Buffalo Mozarella Napoleon, made it look amazing, sent her a picture of it to her phone because she was upstairs. She came down looked at it, said, "what are we gonna eat with it?" Not a wow or a thank you, she just wanted crackers or bread with it.

Do you want a ticker-tape parade? You've done a nice thing. Whoopee. I have no doubt she's done nice things for you in the past that have been unappreciated, as well. So now that you've done one (or two or three) it's supposed to be all hearts and roses and "gee what a swell guy"?

Unless you are a master actor (and based on what I've read, I really do not think you are inscrutable), your wife now knows that her reaction wasn't good enough for you.

Mozarella Napolean +1
Implicit Criticism -1

As a lovebank-drained wife, I'll tell you there's a strong undercurrent of "prove it". And when the balance is so low, the burden of proof is is awfully high.

Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.




What implicit criticism? I didn't say a thing nor give any reaction at all to her at all, I simply pulled out the bread and crackers to enjoy the moment. Sorry, do you know my wife? Furthermore do you know that she feels that her reactions are not good enough for me? That was a pretty big assumption. There is a big difference between a reaction not good enough and no reaction at all, wouldn't you agree? And as a lovebank-drained husband the sense of urgency to create love in my marriage is very much present.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD