Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
I have her list and I've implemented about half of the 13 things she likes. I have plans for some more of the expensive one's next month, so for now just the little things. Its bizarre, she told me what she likes, I do those things, then she behaves indifferent to it anyways? Oh well, I'll guess I'll just have to trust it is doing its job.

We agreed that there is no place for faces in our relationship and it was a massive LB each time I did it. They were not intentional and I'm so glad she figured it out because she could never explain what I did that annoyed her. I stopped the moment she told me, haven't done it since. I'll slip I'm sure here and there but the POJA is "NO FACES!"


I don't know if that's a woman thing, or whatever Hill. The ladies could answer that.

But, I can tell you that my wife is constantly trying to read my face, or more importantly, my eyes. The dang things give me away - they change color with my mood. Makes sense when you consider thing like blood flow and muscular contraction, or dilation etc effecting the refraction of light in the iris.

Because of this, she totally hates when I wear sunglasses.

Part of it is that she is holding me accountable to be emotionally honest.

You have a feeling, your body reacts, and you make a face, or an expression hits your eyes, and they KNOW "that look." After years of courtship and marriage, they learn to read your face, read your eyes.

Anyway, it's awesome that you guys listed out ideas (for each other, right? you gave her a list, too?). The article here is great, but it's like training wheels. Eventually you are going to have to ride on your own, and having her TELL you how she likes her needs to be met is paramount. Her list represents the links in the bike chain, and without those links you will pedal and go nowhere.

Keep it up!


I don't think it is a woman-thing, I think it is a "me thing". I have been told at the office by some staff that occasionally I make them "feel stupid" at times. I never could figure out why, because verbally I don't do it, it is the facial expressions I think. I wear my heart on my sleeve even at work and if I'm annoyed by a question that is very elementary I tend to express a look of annoyance which is wrong. I'm trying to use some of the same MB principles at the office too.

We both have a list and are trying to implement them as best we can to start and I assume this will get easier. I'm working on trying to be more thoughtful and think about things before doing them rather than just going through the motions. An example would be picking out a nice card versus picking out a card that has a special meaning for the two of us. She also likes surprises and I assume this will get easier. I have a lack of confidence in doing romantic things for my wife right now. This perpetuates the problem so I'm making an effort to take the time to think things through and listen carefully to what she is telling me, then react accordingly. I'm getting smarter and have a few tricks up my sleeve which I'll keep to myself. smile


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD