Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
By the way she did say, "If we don't stay up late for a week and drink wine, then we can hang out comment." I pointed out this was an SD, she didn't like my having done so. To her credit later she said, "How can I respectful ask you not to stay up super late with me?" We've been having fun together so the staying up late seemed natural to me, like if it ain't broke don't fix it. She obviously doesn't want to continue the pattern of staying up late so we need to POJA about it I suppose. I think we also stay up late because it is our only time together during the week. If the kids go down at 8pm and we go to bed at 9pm, then its hard to get enough UA together you know?


Your wife's Taker is talking. Marriage Builders is about you learning to please your wife's Taker, so please start listening. Even if you feel she is talking with SDs, DJs, and/or AOs, if you don't find a way to boil down the information that you are getting from her and act on it, your marriage is going to die. This is serious.

I hate to tell someone they are wrong when they said their spouse made a demand, was disrespectful, or had an angry outburst. Usually there is some reason why they felt it was disrespectful or demanding. But I feel like MelodyLane is quite right here: it is not demanding to ask your spouse NOT to do something. It is only demanding to insist that your spouse DO something. There is a really serious difference. The difference is that you can always brainstorm alternatives that will make you both happy. Put in some more time to do that.

It is not demanding to expect your spouse to follow the POJA. Your wife isn't enthusiastic about staying up so late, so don't do it. She's asking you to do nothing and negotiate with her to find something that will make you both happy. You are behind this program, so follow it and get busy doing just that. smile


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.