I'll go back and answer each of these points and posts but before I do I wanted to provide some perspective on both my wife and myself that is very relevant on how we both handle situations. Normally it wouldn't be a big issue, but I feel in this particular case that because we are so far on the other end of the spectrum, the insight will help give you some info that might make it easier to teach me.

I grew up with parents that made sure there were consequences, good and bad, for every action. If I lied, I got busted. If I did good in school I got rewarded, etc. I always knew where I stood with Mom and Dad and they were always on the same side of the fence. They were tough on me no doubt and by no means did they raise me perfectly, but never the less I'm a product of that parenting philosophy.

My wife grew up in a family of excuses. Its not a DJ, it is just how they do things. I've mentioned before that my wife, her brother, and her Mother make excuses and blame people for anything they want at any time. I won't get into why they do it, you can draw your own conclusions.

Although I was disappointed last night, I told you I had shifted into "thoughtful" mode so that my tired wife could go to bed early. I put the kids down, brushed their teeth, etc. I do just about every night. I held baby and tried to get her down until she got to the point of "I just want mommy", so my wife grabbed her just to get the job done faster. I put on a kettle and made her the sleepy tea. I suppose it was a DJ on my part to state that I wanted to make sure we didn't get complacent in our MB efforts to which she agreed. I could tell she didn't want to spend a bunch of time on that so I let it go and she went to bed.

This morning I was in the shower and said, "Hey I wanted to bring something up about last night." I could see in her face a look of, "Oh boy here we go Hubby is stewing again." I mentioned that I knew she was tired, but that the attempt to meet EN's yesterday was kind of absent. From this point forward and to this actual moment in time my wife didn't make any statements that weren't blaming me or circumstances for why she wasn't able to meet any EN's. After every blame I made a face which made it escalate obviously. I was wrong to make the face and it was not something I was able to control at that moment but will work extremely hard to avoid this at all costs. It got so bad at one point that my wife quite literally blamed her blaming on me.

As I was driving to the office it occurred to me just how much of a LB blaming is. She didn't blame me at all for anything in those last three blissful days we spent together and it was great. I pulled over and sent her one text that said "blaming + faces = fights." It was kind of a revelation. I react really poorly to blames and told you that I don't let my kids get away with it. I need help with this. It is a huge LB and I let her know this, but more than that how do I deal with it when it happens. I can't ignore it. I definitely could not make a face. What do I say? When I say something about it, it typically makes her do several blames in a row. Any advice here?

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD