I have just read through both Hilltoppers and his wife's threads...and I gotta say Hilltopper, you have to be more patient and you need to direct your Love Bank deposits in the right way!!!

1) You keep trying to make deposits in to her love bank. I keep seeing "i bought her a card" "I bought her this" "I brought her that"...is "Gifts" one of her love languages? I think it might be yours, but is it hers? Then you get annoyed that one gift doesn't fill up her love bank immediately or she doesn't know you gave her something. On her threads I keep reading that she would like "romantic gestures" which is more like "plan a date" or "arrange for babysitting".

Take home message: FIND OUT WHAT AFFECTION MEANS TO HER. ASK HER WHAT ACTIONS MAKE HER LOVED. YOU ARE DOING THE WRONG ONES.

2) When you make a deposit, if her love bank is in the red, then one gesture/nice thing/EN is not going to propel anyone into that "in love" feeling. Imagine a Leaky Bucket. Her bucket is empty. You put one scoop of water in there. Then you wonder why it isn't full. Then you get mad at her for not acting like it isn't full, which then causes that scoop of water to drain away quickly. Then you are back to where you started from. You need consistent scoops of water (meeting ENs) without removing any (LBs) before you will fill it up.

Take home message: STOP LOVE BUSTING.

3) Your wife seems open to the whole MB thing. That is a very good thing. Is she perfect? no. But stop worrying about her, and worry about you doing MB as best as you can.
Take home message: OWN YOUR OWN PROBLEMS. BE PATIENT!!!

4) I see you (and other men) saying that you don't like having to initiate SF. I see women that don't like having to initiate Domestic Support or Family Commitment. Guess what? For the person who it is most important, they have often have to initiate the need, whether it be SF or something else. And when she does meet your top need, don't whine about how it wasn't every night or the way you like it or worse. That won't make her want to do it again. Just like if she wanted you to mop the floor and all she did was whine how you didn't do it right...would you want to do it again?

Take home message: MAKE SURE YOU MAKE YOUR TOP NEED (SF) EASY AND PLEASANT FOR HER TO MEET

5) Your wife is often tired because of the baby. One time you were watching the baby and you were tired. But somehow that didn't equate to that is the way she feels every night. BABIES ARE TIRING!


Last edited by wannabophim; 05/04/11 02:26 AM.