Originally Posted by Enlightened_Ex
By your willingness to stay, you demonstrate to your husband you will tolerate his behavior.

With your behaviors, doing many of the very same things, you tell him that such behaviors are really OK.

What ACTIONS are you taking, not just words, but real actions, are you taking to say that such behaviors are neither acceptable, nor will you tolerate them any further?

This isn't saying anything I haven't already said myself, EE. I know what I need to do. The only actions I'm taking at this point is attending college.

Okay, took a break from posting this, the phone rang, it was H. I asked him if he had booked anything yet for the second-choice weekend. He said no. I told him that I was struggling with the disappointment of him doing this to me again (more on that later) and I wasn't willing to accept seconds on something I had looked forward to so much, that I didn't think I'd be able to properly appreciate it because of my disappointment so I'd rather plan something new, how did he feel about planning a family weekend instead? He said okay, he understood, he was sorry.

My biggest issue here is the timeline, if that makes sense. Here is my 'more on that': the standard timeline is that he assures me of changes that I've requested, I believe him, everything is great for a while, then wham! I find out months later that what he told me wasn't true. It wasn't true that the new job had no travel or spouse-excluding cocktail parties, it wasn't true that he could not give me online access to his email, it wasn't true that he had booked our weekend away. So it's the in-between time when things are great that bothers me, because all this while HE knows it's based on a lie, but I don't. So I question my happiness; I was happy because we were getting along well and enjoying each other, but the whole time he knew about this timebomb in his pocket. So I was only happy because everything I knew was wrong. It's absolutely maddening.

I hope I get approval of the board for planning something new for the new weekend instead of allowing him to shift me around at his convenience again. Good? Bad? I don't know what else to do, all I know is I would have hated to settle for second.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)