This isn't about 2 different types of planners. Although I have to agree it's about flying by the seat of one's pants (which both my DH and I do). And it isn't necessarily that we don't plan. We just have that many proverbial "pots on the stove".

I also have to say that normally I wouldn't have cried over a concert. I usually take things in stride...I've had way worse anniversaries....but the thought of not having my DH with me makes me very sad. We've had a very rough past 18 mos dealing with a handful of serious issues and I was looking for a good get away from reality for a few hours.

However, I think CWMI's situation is much different from mine in the way her husband approaches things. In the case of their anniversary celebration, I believe this time he was genuine. But in the past, he's been happy to tell her one thing while doing something different. That New Orleans trip she had to jump through hoops to go on this past autumn is a good example of what she is dealing with normally.

So CWMI does try to plan together with her DH, only to find out at the last moment, her husband has run a different itinerary than the one he led her to plan with him. If she doesn't like it, too bad, he's sticking with his itinerary and CWMI better change her ("their") plans to accommodate what he has known all along, but kept from her. Crazy-making if you ask me.

It's also the reason so many her have told her to plan S with D. But CWMI isn't ready for that. And we can't tell her to detach, because that's going to leave her in a very vulnerable position (one that Dr Harley says is ripe for an A). As long as she's angry, she's still invested in the M.