We actually had a really good day yesterday. He had the little ones paint pictures for me, and ds14 did a pencil drawing of the word MOM with four little hands built into the letters (well, three little and one 'Sasquatch' hand--he plays guitar and definitely has the hands built for it) with a really nice letter attached. H made breakfast, we packed up a picnic and went to a nearby waterfall and ate and hiked, then went out for dinner, then sat on the back porch for HOURS talking after the kids were down. We had a bottle of Dom in the fridge that H brought home from one of his events that he suggested we save for our anniv.--we drank it last night, lol. I told him it was the best Mother's Day I'd ever had, and he cried. So he's not completely unfeeling.

I *think* he may be ready to deal with issues with his father. I'm trying to encourage without pushing. He was the one who brought up the topic, but yeah, I think a lot of our issues can be tied back to the rage H feels.

He's also enraged about one old friend of his who he never hears from. Yeah, he was wide open last night, it was wonderful. Anyway, he was saying how much it bothered him that this guy never calls, never inquires into H's life, after all, "He saved my life!" I looked at him and said, "So now he owes you?" bwa-ha-ha, that sounds so heartless writing it down, it would be hard to relay the entire conversation, it was really a good moment of clarity for both of us.

It was a great day.

About the 'two types of planners' thing--I'm with RMJ, this isn't about a pantser with a planner. This is about withholding relevant information. He just sent me a calendar that he received at the beginning of the year from the owner with dates that they are closed for holidays and dates that nobody may request off. Our anniv. is on there as a blacked-out date for time off. He said he was SURE he'd sent me that calendar when he'd gotten it. We went through my email, no calendar. I know I've never seen it. Why he didn't consult it, I have no clue. But now I know he was told he could NOT have that weekend off--in writing--a few weeks before he told me he had gotten it off.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)