Hi Hilltopper,

I've been reading your thread and have noticed a few consistent "themes" in your postings (and please take my observations as constructive criticism):

1. **edit** behavior and accept the fact that any AO's, DJ's, etc are completely unacceptable and inexcusable, you will continue to be a jerk. Even if you apologize afterward, your apologies mean nothing if you continue to act the same way without making changes. You have a lot of growing to do in this area and it is going to take a lot of awareness and effort in the beginning. You've gotten some great advice on how to curb your behavior. Soak it in, read it over and over, analyze your behavior in a journal, whatever you have to do to fully embrace new habits, DO IT.

2. You are HORRIBLY impatient. You have spent YEARS damaging your marriage. It is going to take time to recover from said damage. Think of it this way: You eat poorly from Halloween until New Years because of the holidays and gain 20 pounds. Are you going to lose 20 pounds in 3 days just because you go to the gym for an hour or two or is this going to take a few months to work off? Your wife is hurt and scared and you continue with bad behaviors when you start feeling as though she's not working hard enough. Again, plenty of people have told you to work on your own side of the street. They don't mean anything else by it other than fix YOURSELF. I'm not saying your wife had no part in the damage that was done, but at this point it's irrelevant. She's on board with MB, she knows what to do, she's learning to use the tools, so knock it off! No more score keeping, no more expectations of ANY kind, just do what you're supposed to be doing. Also, you have no say in how long it takes for your wife to feel safe enough to be affectionate with you in a way that "comes naturally" so STOP with the fights already. You can't go more than a few days until you let your ridiculous expectations take over and you love bust your wife again. When you do that, you are starting from SQUARE ONE, each and EVERY time. Do YOURSELF a favor if you want to see improvement and STOP FIGHTING!


Bottom line is you have a lot of work to do. Just keep working away. If you REALLY TRULY want to save your marriage, keep working, stop making excuses and lose your expectations.

Last edited by Fireproof; 05/09/11 07:20 PM. Reason: TOS personal attack, non-MB material


Me 33
DH 35
Together 14 years, married 12
Two "furry children" (one cat & one dog)

MB has changed me and changed my life. I am becoming a better person for it, and building a better marriage. MB principles can truly help you create the love and the life you want.