Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Yes you are correct I can say no to things that I'm not enthusiastic about, forgot to mention that. I've read about the Giver and Taker many times and I would like to understand it a bit more. Being a Giver has caused a lot of damage and resentment in my marriage. I'm confused about the difference between "not letting my Giver take over", and "still giving and meeting my wife's EN's". Do I want to be the Giver, but just check with my Taker?

The Policy of Joint Agreement is your best guide to navigating this. If you and your wife BOTH feel enthusiastic about something, then that means that it satisfies both of your Givers and both of your Takers.

Don't agree to something just to make your wife happy if it is going to make you resentful, particularly if you are going to keep score or AO about it afterward.

On the other hand, don't fall into the trap of leaving your wife's needs unmet ... look for ways that you can be enthusiastic about meeting them. You need to be making MASSIVE love bank deposits, DAILY.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.