Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Do I want to be the Giver, but just check with my Taker?

The Giver and Taker are not good/bad in and of themselves. They are instincts to watch for within yourself. Your Giver will give without regard to your own welfare, and this can get you into trouble, so you should learn to watch for it. Your Taker will take without regard to your wife's welfare, and this can also get you into trouble, so you should learn to watch for it.

You should also pay attention to your wife's Giver and Taker. Her Giver may be making sacrifices to do what you ask for. Never pursue a reluctant agreement; if she is reluctant about a request, change the circumstances of what you are requesting in a way that makes her ENTHUSIASTIC about what you are requesting, or else WITHDRAW the request.

Also, her Taker is likely to give you VITAL INFORMATION. Her Taker will naturally not take your welfare into account. Do not punish her for this. Instead, use the information her Taker gives you about what she wants, and brainstorm ways to meet the needs her Taker expresses in ways that you can be enthusiastic about.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.