Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I didn't know what to do nor how to handle it, but I do now.

Great, tell us. Because a couple of posts back you were admitting that you didn't know how. So, now that you've had this discovery, share it with us.

This isn't a false promise whatsoever.

You should practice letting everybody else make up their own minds about that. If you are having to tell people this, it shows that there is little evidence to believe it, and you are hoping to prove it by merely saying it.

Needless to say, I think you'll see things change around here, starting with me.

You have said this before.

Why should we believe that you will not fall back to demands, disrespect, and anger the next time your emotional needs are not being met? You are saying exactly what you said the last time.

You are saying that you have changed.

The evidence shows that a few weeks ago, you were the kind of person who gets frustrated every 2-3 days and subjects his wife to demands, disrespect, and anger -- and that YOU ARE STILL THIS MAN.

How strongly motivated are you to change this? In 2-3 days, will we be having this same conversation again, with you saying you really get it this time, right after another string of demands, disrespect, and anger from you?

Your account in your wife's love bank cannot take that. It is already in the red. Despite your protests that last weekend was so wonderful, it was horrible for Grace. This means that your account balance is lower now than it was before the weekend. The reason is your love busters. No matter what you are doing to make deposits, the debits from your love busters are growing LARGER. She is doing well and making you feel WONDERFUL. She made you feel like this weekend was wonderful. That means she is doing something RIGHT. As a matter of fact, she was very responsive to what Prisca and others have been writing to her on her thread about ending her own love busters, and about saying "Sorry" to you when she makes a mistake, which is something you indicated was a problem. She is changing for you.

I ask again, how motivated are you to do something about this?

I'm not frustrated, in fact I feel fantastic about it all and highly motivated. I understand you have no reason to believe change has arrived just like my wife has no reason to believe. You keep asking the question and I continue to answer which is all I can do on my end. I'll let my wife's feedback answer these questions rather than making grandiose statements like I have above, fair? When did I say last weekend was great? I said specifically it was horrible for my wife and that I was a jerk. We had a few good times, but it was mostly bad. The realization I had was great, is that what you meant?

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD