I think deciding how much rejection you're willing to accept is a personal decision and is too difficult to summarize. There are two many variables in a marriage, especially one that is longer term. And this has nothing to do with "designing marriage around the woman". Each marriage is different and that is too broad of a statement.

There is rejection and hurt on both sides in Hill's situation. Neither party is guitless. The issue I see with Hill is that his anger and hurtful words have caused Grace to go into severe withdrawal. She has, over time, learned to interact with him in the same way with AO's and DJ's. The damage they've done to the other however will affect the other person differently. I know that Hill is scared and lacking confidence, but I get the impression it is felt much deeper by Grace. It's not fair, but life (and marriage) isn't always fair.

If Hill wants his wife to love him in the way he wants to be loved, he has to get her Love Bank out of the red and create a safe place for her to meet his needs.