What I read from your wife's comment about please ask me, but I don't want expectations is:

You asking her for a hug, not demanding a hug. Do you see the difference?

Asking implies request, telling implies a demand.

In a similar situation when DH is busy with something I usually give him a kiss on the cheek and say "Hey, I'm off hun, see you this afternoon, bye!"

I hope you also starred certain items as more important, so she can get more bang for her buck.

If he's in the bathroom with the door locked (we have kids) I'll knock on the door and say the same thing.

The way I saw the list of things that you gave your wife, this is a menu of things that she can do for you. I didn't really think it was a list of things she MUST do everyday. I think that's what she means by expectations. Your best bet is to ask her what she meant by it.

Its possible text is not the best method of communication for you all. Or maybe start using more emoticons so that you can convey more meaning.