You can be the lighthouse or the reef that she wrecks her ship on. Personally I would rather be the leader by good example than the one that gets down in the mud and slugs it out. Remember, this is your wife, the mother of your children, the woman you swore to look after and protect.

I think the LB and DJ notebook or worksheets can be a real ally to you. She says a DJ and rather than respond you say "I'll get back to you on that". Go directly to your notebook and write up the he said/she said, along with any emotions you felt. Then shelve it until the end of the week.

I have done this myself and it does really help. By the time you get to the end of the week and share your perceived DJs, much of the heat of the emotion will be gone, and you can deal with them logically.