Hill, you have a SERIOUS Disrespectful Judgment problem, and I doubt you are going to get much traction until you address it. It sounds like you've got a lot of energy to meet her emotional needs, but it sounds like you need some help developing some insight into what DJs you are committing and empathy into how that is making your wife feel.

I predict you'll be starting over, over and over again, until you get these DJs gone.

I can promise you, my friend, from my own personal experience, that you are massively UNDERESTIMATING the importance of this problem, and OVERESTIMATING the importance of your wife's apparent motivational problem. She is here. I promise you that if she is having motivational problems, we can help her with that, but I can also promise you that we cannot help her if you are not SERIOUSLY, DESPERATELY, INTENSELY motivated to fix this DJ problem. Can we trust that we will see you put all of the effort into that that you are expecting her to put into meeting your need for affection?