Hilltopper .. I too suggest you phone Steve. This "crazy cycle" has to stop. Who will be the one to stop?? The person who feels they are the most mature will be the one to stop.


My wife used to say the same things "you should find someone who can treat you like you deserve" .. etc.. but ya know what?" WHen she said that .. she was really loking for reassurance that I was willing to keep working at it! .. I would replay "Honey, im NOT going anywhere .. no matter how much we fight .. I am going to find a way to make this work .. im going to learn and be the hubby you NEED me to be. EVEN if it takes me the rest of my life!"

You CAN do this Hill .. I have faith that you can. Sure it might take a while to relearn and break your old habits .. but stick with the program ... watch htose videos ... keep working at yourself ... and do NOT worry about your own EN's right now .. rebuild your wife! .. recharge her ... she needs your strength to pull her out of withdrawl and into conflict .. and then into intimacy! Dont let the things she says distract you from your day to day attempts to woo her .. or to cheer her up .. or to show her your trying as hard as you can or to show her that you got what it takes to keep the family stable!

Again .. you CAN do this Hill ... if many here did from worse situations ... you can too!


Ephesians 5:33 "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Put that verse in context and it means that the husband must give his wife love FIRST! .. AGAPE love(there is 3 different kinds of love find out what agape love is). The husband (most of the time) does not naturally love (clams up and goes silent) in the way agape love describes but god asks we provide it no matter what for our wives(this can be just as dificult for men as respect is for women). And when it says the wife must respect her husband is becasue the wife does not do this naturally. Women have a natural tendancy to disrespect (not all .. but as a general rule it is very easy for them to use harsh words)so thats why god asks it secondary to asking the man to love. Love your wife FIRST ... and then she will respect you.

EDIT: to post a biblical reference and describe its context a bit.

Last edited by Fireproof; 05/17/11 05:54 PM. Reason: TOS - removing non-MB material