Originally Posted by holdingontoit
Now it is not nearly so difficult, because I have given up. I rarely ask if Mrs. Hold is willing to meet my needs. And I don't get upset if she says no. I accept the answer and go back to doing whatever coping / medicating activity I was doing. Hardly any effort is required since I gave up.
Yeah. I've done a fair bit of long-term coping and medicating too. Recently I've grown just as tired of coping, and treading water, as I am tired of anything else, and that has stirred me to make some effort again. Because why not? Being an island unto myself hasn't been satisfying. Might as well do the things I know I *should* do, even if I'm not really looking to W as a source of happiness at this point.

(It helps a bit that I know my attitude is ridiculous. Yeah, there's been a lot of bitterness and disappointment in the past, but come on Iss, you are not exactly Ethan Frome.)

In fact, I would rather swim in burning acid than accept need-meeting from her, and feel ashamed and angry on those occasions when I weaken and allow her to do so.
Sucks when refusing an olive branch becomes a point of principle. But I pretty much know what you mean, although frankly I'll pass on the acid vat. That picture just breaks the whole nice "aloof tragic hero" thing I've got going on. A tragic hero that jumps into a pool of acid no longer excites my admiration. Instead I'm yelling at him: Dude, what the heck?!?!?!! smile