Originally Posted By: markos
And just a reminder that the program doesn't work if you don't follow it. For example, it doesn't work if you don't eliminate disrespectful judgments. Like the following:

Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
she felt what she needed to do trumped my activity,


Deciding what she felt is a disrespectful judgment. "Trumped" sounds pretty disrespectful as well.

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so she dropped baby in my lap while asking me if I wanted to watch her. I told her that her request for me to watch the baby didn't seem like a request at all since the baby was on my lap before you finished the question.


I really think this was kind of disrespectful on your part as well. It seems to me a better approach would be to simply so "no" if you really have to. Or let her know what you were doing and have a discussion negotiating who is going to do what. No need to judge the way she made the request.

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Almost like an adult tantrum kind of a thing.


As I already noted, this is a disrespectful judgment. You are saying she's acting like a child, and I promise you noone wants to hear that from their spouse.

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My wife knows that it bothers me that she asks me to do so many things for her.


DJ: "my wife knows." You are claiming to read her mind.

And also ... if she's not making demands, requests in a marriage are good!!!! You can't have a relationship of mutual care if you aren't making requests of each other.

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To her credit she has gotten better, but today was an all out "askathon"


Don't get so hyperbolic, that's a DJ.

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and I often times feel taken advantage of when this occurs. The requests I suppose are SD's? I mean they are not rude, there are just so many of them. Today I honestly feel like I've maxed out my ability to handle any more, "can you's".


Then just say "no" instead of judging the way she makes her requests, starting a distracting discussion about her insulting you (instead of just noting it on the DJ form for the next week), etc.

A question: do you want to have a relationship of mutual care?


I think the solution involves me learning how to ask my wife for things that are my needs. As it stands today I ask for almost nothing aside from a pot of coffee. It also involves me dealing with her saying "no" better than I do now. I take "no" as rejection. When I feel rejected, I stop asking. My plan is to build confidence in asking for my needs to be met by starting small. I can't come out and ask for SF as a starting point, I would be better off asking for coffee and go from there. It seems silly that I need to build confidence in asking my wife for things, but who cares, it is what it is and I need to deal with it.

We are not using the worksheet for LB's, I'm gonna start now.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD