Originally Posted by markos
And just a reminder that the program doesn't work if you don't follow it. For example, it doesn't work if you don't eliminate disrespectful judgments. Like the following:

Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
she felt what she needed to do trumped my activity,

Deciding what she felt is a disrespectful judgment. "Trumped" sounds pretty disrespectful as well.

so she dropped baby in my lap while asking me if I wanted to watch her. I told her that her request for me to watch the baby didn't seem like a request at all since the baby was on my lap before you finished the question.

I really think this was kind of disrespectful on your part as well. It seems to me a better approach would be to simply so "no" if you really have to. Or let her know what you were doing and have a discussion negotiating who is going to do what. No need to judge the way she made the request.

Almost like an adult tantrum kind of a thing.

As I already noted, this is a disrespectful judgment. You are saying she's acting like a child, and I promise you noone wants to hear that from their spouse.

My wife knows that it bothers me that she asks me to do so many things for her.

DJ: "my wife knows." You are claiming to read her mind.

And also ... if she's not making demands, requests in a marriage are good!!!! You can't have a relationship of mutual care if you aren't making requests of each other.

To her credit she has gotten better, but today was an all out "askathon"

Don't get so hyperbolic, that's a DJ.

and I often times feel taken advantage of when this occurs. The requests I suppose are SD's? I mean they are not rude, there are just so many of them. Today I honestly feel like I've maxed out my ability to handle any more, "can you's".

Then just say "no" instead of judging the way she makes her requests, starting a distracting discussion about her insulting you (instead of just noting it on the DJ form for the next week), etc.

A question: do you want to have a relationship of mutual care?

I think the solution involves me learning how to ask my wife for things that are my needs. As it stands today I ask for almost nothing aside from a pot of coffee. It also involves me dealing with her saying "no" better than I do now. I take "no" as rejection. When I feel rejected, I stop asking. My plan is to build confidence in asking for my needs to be met by starting small. I can't come out and ask for SF as a starting point, I would be better off asking for coffee and go from there. It seems silly that I need to build confidence in asking my wife for things, but who cares, it is what it is and I need to deal with it.

We are not using the worksheet for LB's, I'm gonna start now.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD