Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted by emilyann

Please don't take this as a 2x4, I know you don't like those, just thought maybe a mom's point of view might be helpful. Markos and KT are giving you great info. And maybe you had already been caring for all 3 children for 12 hours straight when above incident happened. I realize I don't know all the details.

Do you guys have any sort of agreement on child care responsibilities? I am assuming (correct me if I am wrong) you have a job ~ 40 hours/week and Grace is a SAHM. Is she considered responsible for the kids 24/7 unless you agree to take a shift (eg- she is out for a run) or do you split the responsibility for the time you are not at work?

I think it is hard to understand how overwhelming the 24/7 nature of child care responsibility can be, and I think telling her "no" about caring for your own child could really undermine what you are hoping to accomplish-- a wife madly in love with you who is responsive to your overtures for SF.

Perhaps the division of child care responsibilities on the weekend would be topic of POJA, but might be too complex for one of the initial tries?


We split the duties when I'm not working, in fact I tend to watch them more when she has things to do. I'm likely different from a lot of Dads, I'm very hands on and spend a lot of time with them cause I enjoy it. Part of what I brought up before that I got 2x4'd on was that she says she has "so much to do." Much of what she has to do is not things like laundry, it is more "projects" which is her term not mine. These "projects" are important to her, I get that, but it takes a toll on the marriage because she has so many things on her plate. In fact these "projects" get her stressed out. She enjoys gardening and that is fine. But describing taking out one plant and putting in another as a "chore" I just don't think is an honest statement. It is her hobby, not a chore. Her hobby is spent without me, while I'm taking care of the kids. I know this must be a DJ, but I don't know how else to describe it. We've had this discussion in the past, but I NEVER bring it up now as it counter-productive.

The last sentence in this may be the most constructive string of words in your post.

The rest, Hill, is a nice, long string of disrespectful judgements.

I used to do a lot of that, too. DJ/DH are probably my two biggest LBs.

The only thing you can examine here, is if these "projects" fall in to AH or IB, because if they do, then they need to be addressed.

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR