Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I can see that. I guess it was weird because my wife drank wine with me about five nights in a row, then got up one day and said I don't want wine and I don't want you to either. So what had become a very common thing for us maybe even "presumed" activity, especially of late, has now become something she decided unilaterally that WE no longer were doing. So I felt like, "where was I during that decision that was made?"

You have got it backwards.

Your wife informed you that the previous situation was something she was not enthusiastic about any more.

Your correct response was to do nothing and negotiate a new agreement.

Instead, you made the unilateral decision to drink anyway. You are the one who made a unilateral decision.

Dr. Harley jumped all over me for this kind of thing. I'll go pull you some quotes off of the private forum. smile

When there is a conflict, your correct response is to do NOTHING until there is an enthusiastic agreement. If you were doing something before, stop doing it and do nothing until there is enthusiastic agreement. Drinking wine is not doing nothing, it is doing something.

Your wife was not being demanding at all. It is not demanding to say "It turns out the agreement we made is not going to work for me after all; I'm no longer enthusiastic; we need to make a new plan together." That's not a demand.

Plank: Your independent behavior


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