Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I feel like a doormat, I don't like to feel that way. I'm struggling to on how to no longer be a doormat.

Independent behavior is not the solution to that.

I guess I don't know how to say it then. When I first got to this forum someone, can't remember who, told me to tell my wife "I don't intend on being in a sexless relationship."

And you are not in a sexless relationship.

This kind of ultimatum is more appropriate when you have actually been working this program well. When you have eliminated demands, disrespect, anger, independent behavior, and you are meeting your wife's needs, and she is still not meeting yours, then that may be an option. There's an article about that kind of situation, but you'll see Dr. Harley only advocates such ultimatums when he's supervised a man working his program flawlessly: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit3.html

Originally Posted by Dr. Harley
And before any separation, I make sure that they have been doing a good job meeting their wife's emotional needs and avoiding Love Busters.

We've established that you have NOT done a good job meeting Grace's emotional needs and avoiding love busters. You have made improvement, but you're still falling into the love busters about once a week. (From my vantage point it looks like this is some improvement over about once every three days. But of course I can't see clearly over the internet. smile And the important point is that they are not eliminated.)

You are going to have to do a stellar job of this and cause Grace to fall back in love with you. There is simply no other way. She is almost certainly going to feel in love with you before she gets to the point where her instincts are prompting her to meet your needs naturally and you begin to fall back in love with her. There is no other way.

Your children are depending on you.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.