Originally Posted by Prisca
Question: If Grace is reluctant to spend time with your mother, what should you do?

Nothing. Or assist her in declining the offer which I have many, many times. Last time they hung out my wife planned to have lunch with her. So they agreed on some place and date, etc. I recall my wife telling me she didn't want to go the day of even though she committed. I've always been of the train of thought that people that make commitments should follow through on them. I told her that. It is the same thing with our friends. My wife frequently commits to something for us, then tells me she doesn't want to go. Its not a huge deal, but gets my wife into trouble because she has a hard time saying "no" to people. She says "yes", then expresses to me that she wishes she would have said "no" the first time around. I even told her that no matter who it is, use me as the excuse as to why she doesn't want to go anywhere because this is hard for her to do so. I've offered to send a text for her from my phone, or call someone and politely decline that we have plans already, etc. She has refused my help with this.

Ultimately my wife has problems with my Mom and two sisters. I can't help her repair this, I can only support her. I typically don't like to discuss the "who's fault is it" because I'm compromised on what I believe to be true vs supporting my wife. I won't lie to my wife if she asks me what I believe to be true about the situation. Typically it is not what she wants to hear(I guess), and it leads to conflict between us. All I can do is empathize with how hard the conflict she has is, let her know that I understand her point of view, and let her know that she is my number one priority which I've done many times. If my belief it is the courteous and moral thing to do to honor our commitments with others is damaging to my marriage then I will cease suggesting to my wife that will follow through again.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD