Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
I don't offer to lie for my wife, instead I wanted to simply say, "We have other plans." My wife has expressed that she is not ok with that, unless we actually do have other plans with another couple or together. From my perspective, us watching tv on the couch or playing scrabble together constitutes "other plans."




UA time is "having plans." UA time, as you two may be figuring out, are the most important plans of every single day.



It is indeed! My wife went to the gym this morning at 530am. Her friend invited her to spin class, she asked me if it would be ok if she goes and I agreed. Baby woke up as soon as she left, this is pretty common. When my wife got home I asked her how class was, she said fine. She asked me how baby was and I told her that she had awakened as soon as she had left. I told my wife that one or two days a week would be totally cool with me if she wanted to work out with her friend, but that 3 days a week or more might be something I would not be enthusiastic about. Her faced changed, it became concerned. I asked her if she felt if her "freedom was gone" and she said "yes."

I tell you the story because this has been an issue in the past with my wife having a strong desire to run or workout with her friends. Part of this is because I have not filled that role in the past. I understand her position. I did propose we workout together after work each day, and she was not enthusiastic about that either because I've lectured her "form" and stuff before which was a stupid thing to do. She wants to work out with friends, not with me, and I can't make her. I am concerned though that my wife will begin to rekindle the "good ole days" of meeting at the gym 5 days a week and sometimes Saturday mornings, to which I'll definitely feel hurt and neglected once again so I need to make sure I don't just agree to it to keep the peace.


In fact the more I learn about MB and the more I think about it I'm not sure I feel good about her going to the gym with her friends or by herself anyways. She has told me about the flirting that goes on in spin class in the past, she is very attractive, etc. Flirting and sexual undertones are a part of spin classes, and my wife has also confirmed how shocked she was about all of the A's that were going in her gym. With where we are today in our marriage, and with the knowledge we have I'd say that the best plan to have our needs only met by each other is for her to discontinue going to her gym. Knowing all of this does not make feel secure. This negotiation is gonna be a doozy I believe. She enjoys it a lot, her friends go to it and will be "putting the pressure" on her to attend. I need to gather my thoughts an let her know how I feel about the subject.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD