Originally Posted By: josie12
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972


In fact the more I learn about MB and the more I think about it I'm not sure I feel good about her going to the gym with her friends or by herself anyways. She has told me about the flirting that goes on in spin class in the past, she is very attractive, etc. Flirting and sexual undertones are a part of spin classes, and my wife has also confirmed how shocked she was about all of the A's that were going in her gym. With where we are today in our marriage, and with the knowledge we have I'd say that the best plan to have our needs only met by each other is for her to discontinue going to her gym. Knowing all of this does not make feel secure. This negotiation is gonna be a doozy I believe. She enjoys it a lot, her friends go to it and will be "putting the pressure" on her to attend. I need to gather my thoughts an let her know how I feel about the subject.


It is good you are taking the time to gather your thoughts on this. Think carefully. Many husbands are unhappy when their wives become unfit or overweight, and wish they could inspire them to go to the gym. You've got a fit and attractive wife who is rising at 5:30am to get her exercise done at the gym--with a baby at home yet!

If you take the gym away from her, she would likely miss the workouts and the endorphins they bring, not to mention the fitness benefits. She might miss that time with her friends, and she might resent you for taking it away from her. You might not enjoy her company as much if she gets pudgy, grumpy, and resentful.

Also, realistically, what kind of mischief could she possibly get up to at that hour with her baby waiting at home for her?


I'm not worried about my wife ever not being attractive to me, she is too fit with our without the gym for that to happen. I'm not worried that she'll even "get into mischief" at the gym. What my concern is that she may find another source to meet her ENs better than I can at this stage in our marriage. That is prohibitive to our Love Banks becoming filled. It is not that I don't think I am not able to meet her needs as well as another, it is that I'm still learning to do so, and that takes time. In the past she spent an inordinate amount of time with her friends I'm sure because it felt good, but that was without her husband. So while I DO want her to have a fulfilling workout life, I DO NOT want her to have that workout life take precedence over our marriage. I grew resentful in the past about it and she knows this. I don't want her to feel that I'm attempting to "cut out her freedom" but I have a history of agreeing to everything and then being sorry I did so in the past and so I need to think it through and be honest about it up front.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD