Originally Posted by markos
Great, Hilltopper! Do you feel like your proactiveness is paying off? Are you keeping a lid on the demands, disrespect, and anger?

Grace tracking UA time is huge. Be sure and express your appreciation for this level of dedication from her!

Being proactive is a good thing, but again I think for me personally it is more about being aware of what is going on at all times. I know a couple times yesterday and once this morning, something "bothered" me. It was something my wife said or a look on her face, but I couldn't pin point it. We're not talking blatant things, but nevertheless I felt them. Before I respond if I do respond at all I'm trying to get her mind and understand how she feels.

Last night we did talk a bit more about a vasectomy vs other options. Its not just fear of a vasectomy, there is another issue that would need to be taken care of along with it and I told her that. It is not a 20 minute deal, and certainly not a 48 recovery. I asked her if she would just at least research an be open to discussing things and she was kind of "hand to the face about it." She definitely held the "no sex until we get something done" in my face, that didn't feel good. I told her that what she said kind of bothered me and that "it appears you've already decided for us." We decided to stop discussing at that point and she made sure to say that "she didn't mean it that way." At this point in time I do not believe we've agreed to anything and the only options on the table for her were either wearing condoms, a vasectomy, or no sex. She has reminded me now 30 times that she would have been willing to get tied during the birth of the last kid, but that even that may potentially cause hormonal imbalance problems. I guess what I'm saying is, it has been presented to me that it is in my court to take care of it and that she is unwilling to put anything in her body because she is one that barely likes to take tylenol. She said the same thing about the possibility of taking Welbutrin for depression. I really don't feel like a negotiation is taking place on this subject and as I sit here, it really bothers me a lot on a few levels. One is no sex, which is my #1 EN, but I understand her point of not wanting a fourth child. Another one is that the POJA isn't really POJA because the options are all for me to "make it happen". Lastly I'm scared of feeling neglected as I did before which doesn't bode well for my personality at the present time.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD