Oh, Ned...I don't even know where to begin tonight. We played pool again, it was great fun, I complained about not ever 'getting' how to bank and he gave me a pointer, then dropped it and waited for me to ask him a question about it and waited for me to try his suggestion and I banked it and thanked him...which is soooo much better than brow-beating your spouse to do what you say or they're an idiot. smile

It was great, up until the point where we came back upstairs and he got on the computer to look up a replacement part for his old stick. *gaslighting begins* He DENIED ever even hearing of my old stick, much less getting rid of it, even though we talked about it LAST NIGHT. And several times before (not in arguments), and was a pretty big deal when it actually happened nine years ago (kinda nasty--that was the first of seven car purchases that I heard about after-the-fact, but the only one that had my belongings in it when traded in). He said, "Do you always remember everything that happens?" Umm...pretty much, and pretty funny since he accuses me of remembering 'petty little things to throw in his face', but I responded, "I remember things that are important to me." He denied telling me the car was sold and gone, denied, denied, denied...denied last night, denied the entire existence of the issue...but said he wasn't denying that it happened, only that he doesn't remember it...

So just compensation is a hard thought for me right now, when my H is denying a conversation that took place last night, along with all the other conversations over the years and the BIG ONE, and is questioning whether the stick even existed in the first place. The gaslighting is so whacked to deal with...is he intentionally being an azz, or is he seriously mentally deficient? Does he have any awareness of what he's doing, or is his mind so twisted that he actually believes himself? Did I not beat him over the head enough last night for him to hear me? The stick thing was him bringing it out, reminiscing, me saying "I think it's a little insensitive of you to be bringing that out when you got rid of mine behind my back, my stick was special to me, too, but I don't have it anymore" and he said sorry and put it away, so I DROPPED it.

Just compensation would be for him to get rid of the broken old stick and move us forward together with new sticks, but there's the whole denial thing going on that needs special attention, too.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)