I am sure I am missing a lot, particularly if there has been outright lying, covering up things, etc. I guess my point was that if his IB was simply work-related, and there truly was nothing shady going on (like hooking up with a co-worker or something,) how is that absolutely horrible, other than you don't like it? I understand the concept of POJA, but again, it's not like he's golfing all the time and partying with the guys - that to me would be IB that was more selfish and you could take issue with. Unless he IS using his work trainings and events as excuses to do things that are not conducive to your marriage or to avoid being with you and the family, etc. So again, I am probably missing a lot, and have read some of the materials on this site (of course not all, I am new here) but it seems like some IB should be OK if it is not to the detriment of the family and he is engaged and connecting with you on other fronts (although that doesn't sound like that is the case here.)

You surely know there are lots of jobs out there that require travel away from home (my sister would sometimes have to drive 5 hours round trip for a 1 hour meeting -- not cost-effective OR time-efficient, I know!) and would attend out of state trainings, but it wasn't doom and gloom for her marriage. I guess it wasn't a sticking point for her husband, so they had "POJA" on that issue.