Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Tough situation. My wife and I get along and all, but aside from playing footsies on the couch, there is no romantic relationship and at the present time I'm unable to create that. She is not interested in SF because she is afraid of getting pregnant. We are at a standstill because I don't want a vasectomy and she doesn't like condoms. She said it is up to her and she'll "figure it out" but hasn't done anything in terms of appointments, etc, and I can't make her. The longer we go without SF, the more I get insecure again. I hate this but I don't know what to do. Bringing up the subject makes her feel pressured and typically leads to a fight. Any suggestions?


I would suggest you go through the Four Guidelines to Successful Negotiation together, once a week, on this subject. See if you can agree on a day and a timeframe (maybe just an hour), and work through the guidelines. Stay on guideline one until you both agree that it is fulfilled to your satisfaction, move to guideline two and do what that says and stay there until you both agree the other understands your position, then move to guideline three, etc.

During this time, you get the chance to explain how important SF is to you, in a respectful and nondemanding way. Of course if she feels you become disrespectful or demanding, she gets the safety of knowing she can terminate the discussion.

This is a really bad place to be stuck. Don't nag, but once a week respectfully express your dissatisfaction with the situation. The "do nothing" part of the policy of joint agreement is designed to motivate the two of you to find a solution that makes you both happy; it is not designed to keep you at "do nothing" forever if "do nothing" makes one or both of you unhappy.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
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If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.