Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
My wife said we could have sex a few days ago. I asked her yesterday if we could and she said, "not unless you get a V." She then later that evening mocked me in front of some friends that were over saying, "Well he would get a lot more sex if he got a V." Either my wife has a low libido, doesn't want to have sex with me, or is fulfilling that need elsewhere. She has shown to be perfectly fine with no SF in her life, at least with me. The rest of our marriage is pretty good to be honest, but I'm extremely unhappy with my #1 need going unmet. My approaches on even discussing the subject are met with sarcasm and put-offs, and she brings up me not getting a V over and over again. I'm angry and bitter and am avoiding her because I am afraid I'll say something wrong. I wish she'd come here, but she won't do that either.

I would ask her how long she expects you to tolerate this situation? Does she imagine you will be there forever even after you fall out of love because she refuses to meet your needs? Most spouses don't last long under those conditions before they decide to move on.

Somehow I suspect the situation would be the same even if you did get a V. The reason behind that stems frm the fact that there are many other ways to have sex besides the big "I." Is she willing to do other things with you?

She won't do anything with me. Her reason for not doing other things is that it is unfair to her. We had a heated discussion just now and she said she'd go get an appointment but that it is all about accidental pregnancies. She seemed to relay that the fact that "it is all on her" is unfair in her eyes. She is still pissed I won't go get a consult against my will. She repeatedly said she doesn't respect me nor my need for SF. She thinks that the marriage is more important and that I should just wait it out. She said it always comes down to sex with me. I came to MB because she shut me out sexually. By the words she just said there is no way she is gonna come back on these forums and she brought up every single thing I did that hurt her in the past. This woman doesn't forget or move past ANYTHING. This is why it will continue to escalate unless I eliminate LBs entirely. Each time I do, she puts another mark on the chalk board in permanent ink. We've been getting along pretty well over the past couple of months, but to answer your question the "situation" in my mind is indefinite unless I spoke up. Hey at least she is getting an appointment.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD