Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
She won't do anything with me. Her reason for not doing other things is that it is unfair to her.

Then you need to make it fair for her and please her too. SF is supposed to be the fulfilling of BOTH your needs, not just one. If she gets no enjoyment, then it is very unlikely she will want to do that.

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She repeatedly said she doesn't respect me nor my need for SF. She thinks that the marriage is more important and that I should just wait it out.

If the marriage is important to her, then she would be doing to enhance the marriage, rather than doing things that destroy it. She is detroying her marriage so her words don't match her actions. If she feels the marriage really is important, then why isn't she doing the things to maintain it, like meeting her husbands basic emotional needs? Neglecting her husband sure does not demonstrate that she places any importance on her marriage at all.

Rather, it sounds like she wants "unconditional love," which is harmful to marriages. She wants to contribute nothing but expects to receive all the benefits of a married woman. She is destroying your marriage with that approach.

So I would ask her how long she expects to remain married under those conditions? It wont' last forever.

You really need to keep this issue on the front burner until it is resolved. This is too important to your marriage. Have you considered getting marriage coaching from one of Dr Harley's kids?

I let her know that I didn't want a marriage where SF is off the table. She must have taken it as me saying I didn't want to be married to her because she said, "I don't even want to be married to you." She followed it up with a text saying that she won't be in a marriage where there is dishonesty. Its not like I am a liar, my issue of dishonesty revolves around me not telling her when something is bothering her. This drives her crazy and I have avoided doing this for months until just now. Her language again suggests that she feels her need for honesty is more important than my need for SF. There is no other way to interpret it.

I don't know why she won't participate in other sexual activity with me. We used to do this all the time, but after the kids came it died out.

I'm not perfect, nor innocent in this marriage. I have done my fair share to cause her pain. I don't know how important the marriage is to her, in fact I've often thought it was more important to me and that she is frequently indifferent about it.

I had scheduled time with Steve, but we improved so much in such a short period of time we never followed through with it.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD