Originally Posted by Prisca
[I don't usually disagree with you, Melody, but this one hit a nerve. Markos has said similar things to me. It is a demand and a threat -- it comes across as "I don't want this marriage unless you give me what I want. Meet my needs, or I'm leaving you."

See, I don't see this as a demand at all. I see it is a complaint coupled with a truthful statement. If a spouse is prepared to leave the marriage if the other refuses to meet his needs, shouldn't that be conveyed? In my case, if my XH had told me he was leaving over this, I would have taken it much more seriously. Are you saying the alternative is to give her an opportunity to meet the need and then just LEAVE when she doesn't do it?

I don't think Hilltopper is in any position to tell her this. Ultimatums are a LB, no matter how you word them.

I don't see how it is a lovebuster. An ultimatum is a stated condition whose rejection will result in a direct action, in this case, the very possible end of the marriage.

So, are you saying he should not TELL HER honestly he is not willing to stay in the marriage under those conditions? Because I wouldn't agree with that.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101