Hello, MB.

I want to develop new (good) habits to show DH that I am committed to him. I am looking for a few other people who have developed/or are developing good habits to (possibly) help keep me on track. I know the responsibility is mine...but I am trying to keep good company.

In the past couple of years, it seems I have been on a LB-ing mission. I don't know if I was restless or bored...but a lot of the time, I tried to push DH away. In response to my poor behavior, DH reacted by doing...Plan A. (He does not believe in MB or taking advice from people so he will avoid reading any of these books, visiting this website, etc.) Last night, we were having another of those negative talks that I keep starting and DH said, "Why don't you just come out and say it. If it wasn't for the kids, you wouldn't be here. And it shows." He, also said, "Just imagine what I go through everyday."

He should not have to feel that way.

A little history : I was here some time ago in a fogged out state. DH and I have been together over 13 years and we have 2 lovely young children. I have read a lot of the website, HNHN. I did get DH to go through the EN Questionnaire for 5 minutes. I know all of his ENs and he says that I am meeting them...and that we have the "perfect marriage". He has no problems with me and I have all the problems (he says).

- Does anyone know when Dr. Harley would recommend individual counseling versus marriage counseling?
- Does it make sense to pursue resolving individual problems (first)? (i.e. How can you help your partnership if you can't even help yourself?)

I believe that-- now that we are well-settled down into the marriage-- I feel uncomfortable being SO "settled". There's not enough excitement or energy to it...just the day-to-day of being married and parents and keeping up a home.

- Does anyone know if...Dr. Harley ever advises a person that she should have never gotten married in the first place?
- Does Dr. Harley believe that some people are simply not "marriage material"?

My goal: I am hoping that I can fix my behavior, my mindset, and pour the right kind of energy into this marriage...stop LB-ing...I don't think anyone should have to feel the way my DH describes feeling. But I have to, also, not feel bored. I have to take the first steps. I have to prove to him that I can be much better...and I am sure he would get on board. I think he'd even suffer through some of the relationship books (or "woman stuff") if my behavior transforms. Thanks for any suggestions.