Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Originally Posted by Prisca
It is a demand and a threat -- it comes across as "I don't want this marriage unless you give me what I want. Meet my needs, or I'm leaving you."

Prisca, actually, I think this is a big part of dropping the rope here, moving from the power struggle of Renting into becoming a Buyer, doing what you can and respecting your spouse and their decisions. My partner can withhold whatever they want, of course. But I will likely fall out of love with them if we don't find solutions we both like for too long. I'm just human like everyone else.

The same way, I encourage you not to let that "electric fence" thought patterns take hold. Choose your attitude, hon, you can do this. Acknowledging we're human and count on certain needs being met within marriage at some point is honest. It's not honest for a spouse to pretend they can go on being loving indefinitely while enduring forced celibacy without a reason both are enthusiastic about, like an extended illness.

NED, I haven't argued against any of this. The disagreement I had with Melody was not on whether or not Hilltopper should remain celibate. Did you read my post? We're all in agreement that he doesn't need to be forced to remain celibate. We disagree on whether or not an ultimatum is a demand.

Choose my attitude? Huh?

Markos' Wife
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband